i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
