Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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