No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
