i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
