And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
