Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
