shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
