you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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