Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
