he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Is it because I queefed?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
