Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.

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(256): View more from Alabama

just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level

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(612): View more from Minnesota

My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.

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(845): View more from New York

im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina

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(605): View more from South Dakota

We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.

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(734): View more from Michigan

So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles

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(406): View more from Montana

Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck

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(714): View more from California

I've never sung with balls in my mouth

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