never play flip cup with pint glasses
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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