I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dicks are not precious.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
