This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
