:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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