I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
