my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So many bounce houses so little time
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
