Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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