you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
