Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
