I can tuck mytits in my pants
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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