a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
