the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize