I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
