Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
