I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I would fuck him just for his dog
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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