how can u be prego again
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
