i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
