Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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