Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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