he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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