Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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