I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
