oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
