dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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