Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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