farters have to be the big spoon...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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