i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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