.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize