dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
