I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
