He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
