I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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