Whod you bang
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
