i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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