Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Liz is crying about burritos again.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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