So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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