I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
