Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
