Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
