What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
