she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
