hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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