I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
