Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
