In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
