I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You dont lie about slip and slides
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize