I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize