i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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