I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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