i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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