If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
