i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
