she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
