They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
