let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
