Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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